posted by lam-lam sisterhood @ 9:18 PM
0 comments
Friday, December 30, 2005
Friday, December 23, 2005
and we can't possibly forget Mr. T...
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."
When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
Mr. T isn't afraid of flying, but God fears the consequences of letting him fall.
Rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr. T.
Mr. T recently opened a Psychic hotline, one in which he takes every call. No matter the question he is asked, he gives only one response: "My prediction? Pain." He then goes out and personally pummels each caller witin an inch of their life, because Mr. T can never be wrong.
The last time Mr.T went hunting he got a 10 point buck, a white rhino and two bald eagles... He is no longer allowed into the Zoo.
April 1st became known as "April Fool's Day" only after Mr. T decided it would be easier to pity a whole bunch of fools on a set date rather than pitying a few fools each day.
Condoms were not invented because Mr. T's penis needed protection, but because the world needed protection from Mr. T's penis.
Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.
Despite the vast number of fools on earth at any given time, Mr. T has so much spare pity left at the end of every year he crushes it into a ball, sets fire to it and hurls it into space. This is how stars are born.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
Mr.T pities the fools who don't eat his cereal, as it is the only known source of Vitamin T.
Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.
Mr. T can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.
- dave
Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."
When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
Mr. T isn't afraid of flying, but God fears the consequences of letting him fall.
Rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr. T.
Mr. T recently opened a Psychic hotline, one in which he takes every call. No matter the question he is asked, he gives only one response: "My prediction? Pain." He then goes out and personally pummels each caller witin an inch of their life, because Mr. T can never be wrong.
The last time Mr.T went hunting he got a 10 point buck, a white rhino and two bald eagles... He is no longer allowed into the Zoo.
April 1st became known as "April Fool's Day" only after Mr. T decided it would be easier to pity a whole bunch of fools on a set date rather than pitying a few fools each day.
Condoms were not invented because Mr. T's penis needed protection, but because the world needed protection from Mr. T's penis.
Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.
Despite the vast number of fools on earth at any given time, Mr. T has so much spare pity left at the end of every year he crushes it into a ball, sets fire to it and hurls it into space. This is how stars are born.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
Mr.T pities the fools who don't eat his cereal, as it is the only known source of Vitamin T.
Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.
Mr. T can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.
- dave
posted by lam-lam sisterhood @ 3:29 PM
1 comments
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Vin Diesel
Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
Even Vin Diesel doesn't know why no fact has a rating of 9 or above.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They'reall wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND
WALDO, THEN NOONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been referred to as Christmas.
Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
The only thing that Superman is not capable of leaping in a single bound is Vin Diesel's penis.
Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever; it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the
seriousness of his response.
Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
Vin Diesel played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Arctic researchers.
Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Not only was Vin Diesel the first to shoot a baby out of a cannon, he was the first to eat a high velocity baby shot out of a cannon.
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
Even Vin Diesel doesn't know why no fact has a rating of 9 or above.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They'reall wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND
WALDO, THEN NOONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been referred to as Christmas.
Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
The only thing that Superman is not capable of leaping in a single bound is Vin Diesel's penis.
Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever; it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the
seriousness of his response.
Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
Vin Diesel played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Arctic researchers.
Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Not only was Vin Diesel the first to shoot a baby out of a cannon, he was the first to eat a high velocity baby shot out of a cannon.
posted by lam-lam sisterhood @ 10:35 PM
2 comments
Fuckin' Chuck Norris...
Come on...you know you love him. If you don't, here are some reasons you SHOULD!!!
30 Facts About Chuck Norris...
posted by lam-lam sisterhood @ 2:16 AM
2 comments
Thursday, December 01, 2005
update and a half!!!!!!
thats me in the corner.....(window) of our nice hotel!
Ok so here we go.!!!!!!!!!! I know I have not posted in a while and for that I am sorry. I have been swamped with actual work, AND what is more disturbing, I have actually been doing it. I know, it sounds sad, and not fun at all, and that is pretty much what it all boils down to, sad and not fun, that is.
But I am posting so pictures from my elaborate trip to oxford…OH MY GODS! It was a blast. There where however quite a few setbacks….
some unknown location in norway from the airplane
we, majken and me missed our flight in oslo….and not for any good reason at all…..like a delay, terrorist, illness, baggage problems, stray elephants, or the like…Oh no, we just completely lost track of time…… wandering around the airport, looking at the shops, getting our makeup done by some nice lady, talking, chatting, communicating,…..so yup…missed our flight….and since, it seems being absent minded is not a good enough reason for the airline to just put you on the next flight…we had to buy new tickets…YESSSSS!!! great going, cheap tickets now, very expensive tickets…fabulous!
majken and i, in some sort of picture that might have seemed fun at the time!
Also, since we where on the hunt for mystery boy, one should think that would be our mission…BUT oh noooo, majken managed to meet some dude at a nightclub, fall truly, madly deeply in love with him one week before we left, so all of a sudden we where stuck without a mission, but with two tickets and a nice hotel booking. Means to and end…, but no and…or something like that, should stop trying to sound like I know what I am talking about….mmmmm, ANYWAY,…the point is, with no mission, but a destination, so we made our mission to have fun. And that we did. We spent the four days, roaming around oxford, shopping, drinking large quantities of some sort of brown water and seeing the sights…such as old buildings, reindeers, rivers and boats and lots of funny people.
me by one of many bridges, by waters, by reindeer
So there you go, that’s how it all ended up…our fabulous weekend in oxford! Ta da!!!!!
clinton smoked up here, and so he gets a picture on the wall!
majken by some other bridge, not near water or reindeer.
posted by lam-lam sisterhood @ 7:37 PM
6 comments
