and we can't possibly forget Mr. T...

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.

Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

Mr. T isn't afraid of flying, but God fears the consequences of letting him fall.

Rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr. T.

Mr. T recently opened a Psychic hotline, one in which he takes every call. No matter the question he is asked, he gives only one response: "My prediction? Pain." He then goes out and personally pummels each caller witin an inch of their life, because Mr. T can never be wrong.

The last time Mr.T went hunting he got a 10 point buck, a white rhino and two bald eagles... He is no longer allowed into the Zoo.

April 1st became known as "April Fool's Day" only after Mr. T decided it would be easier to pity a whole bunch of fools on a set date rather than pitying a few fools each day.

Condoms were not invented because Mr. T's penis needed protection, but because the world needed protection from Mr. T's penis.

Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.

Despite the vast number of fools on earth at any given time, Mr. T has so much spare pity left at the end of every year he crushes it into a ball, sets fire to it and hurls it into space. This is how stars are born.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Mr.T pities the fools who don't eat his cereal, as it is the only known source of Vitamin T.

Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.

Mr. T can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.

- dave